I’ve had more good sex than most people have had hot dinners, so when I found a lump in my breast and knew straight away it was cancer, I thought this is fine. I’ve had my fun. I’ll have a mastectomy, get it done and get on with my life.
But when I came out of surgery, I was wheeled into a hospital room shared with one other woman. The doctors closed the curtain around us, sat down and told me the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and my other breast. I would need a second mastectomy and an extensive course of chemo. I felt as if I’d been hit by a truck. I couldn’t believe it.
When everyone left, the woman on the other side of the curtain, who must have heard this entire conversation, called out to me and said “Hey friend, are you OK?”
I replied that actually, no, I’m not. We talked, and she had breast cancer too. She’d just had a lumpectomy. What amazed me was she’d gone through this horrible thing but was so attuned and supportive to me. She told me, “It’ll be OK. They’re really good at breast cancer. They know how they treat it.” And then we just started talking about our lives.
Her partner later came bearing a marijuana cookie, and we ate half each. When he left, we talked all night – about our childhoods, our foibles, our mistakes, our mutual past as surfer chicks, her time as a party girl, my kid, her not having kids. We didn’t sleep. At the end of the night, I felt like I’d shared everything that I’d never shared with anyone before, and we just were so loving and kind to each other. And thanks to the cookie, we also laughed so much we wet our pants and got in trouble with the nurses for making too much noise.
The next day she checked out. She sent me an email saying that I was in her thoughts and that she knew I’d be OK. I began two years of intensive treatment – I had another mastectomy, a hysterectomy, chemo and radiation – and was too sick to contact anybody. I later had my email hacked and lost her contact details.
But that woman was a gamechanger. Even though I had a not-terribly-positive future in front of me, it was transformative to have this fantastic night together. It taught me two things – that I could leave that space of darkness and find joy, and to look for the kindness people give you, because kindness is what will sustain you. And it is there, if you look for it.
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