Are you dreading a high-stakes meeting, a challenging professional task or an awkward conversation? I’m not, because I’m a craven coward who has dodged that kind of unpleasantness for years. If only I had a “power phrase” to activate, maybe things would have been different.
That is the psychotherapist Amy Morin’s advice for dealing with sticky situations. The author of The Mental Strength Playbook, Morin explained in Business Insider that a “short, positive sentence you say to yourself in the moment” is an effective two-minute cognitive reset. She used hers, she says, while answering challenging questions to land her book deal: “I activated my power phrase and told myself, I’m a strong, straightforward communicator.”
Cynics (me) might pull a face and find the concept cringey; why not stand in a power pose while you’re at it? They (I) might also suggest it sounds like a rebranding of “giving yourself a little talking-to” – something everyone does in stressful situations, unless you are the kind of sublimely nonchalant, confident superhuman who thrives on pressure.
But simple and cringey can be effective. Morin points to a study that suggests positive self-affirmations can help people solve problems under pressure, and another that indicates they activate reward and “self-processing” systems in the brain and can lead to behavioural change.
Huh. When I absolutely must do something difficult, my pep talk traditionally inclines towards negging – “Just do it, you spineless worm” – or nihilism. “It doesn’t matter, you’ll be dead soon,” isn’t obviously inspirational, but I find it obscurely comforting.
I have, however, been haunted in recent months by the wise thinker Oliver Burkeman’s mantra for people daunted by change or the prospect of working on themselves (still me). We need to ask ourselves, Burkeman says, “How’s that working out for you?”
“Not great” is the answer, I suppose: I’ve avoided challenging myself for so long I now dread stuff as pathetic as returning defective trousers or overhearing my husband have a hard phone conversation. It’s no way to live, so maybe I do, in fact, need a proper, positive power phrase? Let’s try it out: “I am a reliable, competent writer and I can finish this column.” Wow, it works!
Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist
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