Late-night hosts reacted to Donald Trump signing a bill to release the Epstein files while still trying to distract from them.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert celebrated the impending release of all files related to the late pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. “After months of Trump fighting tooth and cankle to hold back the Republican party from doing the right thing, he just went ahead and gave up and signed the bill to release the Epstein files,” the Late Show host explained a day after Congress voted near unanimously to compel the justice department to make the files public within 30 days.
“Even though Trump told Republicans to all vote for this, he was clearly furious that they did,” Colbert continued. Trump signed the bill after the White House issued a so-called photo lid, which shut down any on-camera opportunities.
“He signed it off camera, and he’ll sign anything on camera – executive orders, sneakers, lady parts, wall parts, a toddler,” he added over clips of Trump’s many strange autograph photo ops. “Trump is avoiding cameras. That’s like the Pillsbury doughboy avoiding nudity.
“More proof that these files are making Trump soil his ample briefs?” On Wednesday night, Trump took to Truth Social with a “full, Unabomber-length manifesto” blaming Democrats. “Imagine, if you got that as a text,” said Colbert as he scrolled through the screed. “Somewhere in that Apple terms and conditions-length screed, Trump tried to claim credit for the thing he desperately fought to stop.”
As Trump put it: “As everyone knows, I asked Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, and Senate Majority Leader John Thune, to pass this bill … Because of this request, the votes were almost unanimous in favor of passage.”
“So you know, in a way, he won,” Colbert deadpanned. “It reminds me of Julius Caesar’s famous last words: ‘Great job, Brute!’”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers also mocked Trump’s tome-length attempt to claim credit for the release of the files. “Don’t try that move where you say ‘and everyone knows … ’ in hopes that we’re all going to say, ‘Everyone? But I didn’t know. Am I out of the loop?’” he laughed.
“Everyone knows the opposite was true, because we saw it with our own eyes. You can try to get away with saying ‘As everyone knows, I have a huge penis.’ But don’t do it while you’re changing at the gym, because people are going to check.
“Let’s not forget, the same guy who is now claiming he told the House and the Senate to pass a bill to release the Epstein files also claimed not long ago that those same files were fake,” Meyers added. Moreover, Trump continued to pressure Republicans to back off the files this week, fuming that the attention on Epstein “deflects from the great job we’ve done”.
“If there’s nothing bad in the Epstein files for you, then why would it deflect from the great job you’ve done?” Meyers wondered. “That just sounds even more suspicious. That’s like if your spouse asked to look at your phone, and you respond, ‘I don’t want my DMs on Instagram to distract from how great our marriage is.’”
The Epstein files, capturing the public’s attention at a time when grocery prices are soaring in part due to Trump’s tariffs, represents “the greatest test yet of Trump’s nearly mystical ability to lie his way out of any problem”, said Meyers. “He can lie about corruption or climate change or healthcare or fake wars that he fake solved, but he can’t lie about numbers people see with their own eyes every day at the grocery store.
“Trump is learning the same hard truth that Joe Biden and the Democrats learned last year: you can’t Jedi mind-trick people into thinking the economy is better than what they feel in their lives every day.”
Jimmy Kimmel
After ripping Trump for once again attempting to get him fired, Jimmy Kimmel then poked fun at the president being snubbed from Dick Cheney’s funeral. “All you need to know about what an explosively unstable disaster this man is for this country, is that Dick Cheney – Dick Cheney – voted for not just a liberal Democrat, a Black female liberal Democrat, over him, his fellow conservative Republican,” he said. “That’s it! You don’t need to know anything else to know what a garden hose full of diarrhea this presidency has been.”
Kimmel also touched on Trump’s Truth Social manifesto on the Epstein files. “He signed the bill and then posted this giant run-on sentence taking credit for the fact that the bill got passed. It wouldn’t have passed without him! Another legislative triumph.”
The justice department now has 30 days to release the files, “which will make for a very merry Christmas indeed”, said Kimmel. “I have a prediction for the next 30 days. I think we’re going to see Trump do some of the craziest shit yet. I think he’s taking it up to a level 11 in the next 30 days. He’s already started.”
Kimmel pointed to a group of six Democratic lawmakers, all of whom served in the military or the intelligence community, who grew so concerned about Trump’s handling of the armed forces that they made a video reminding troops that they are not legally required to follow illegal orders.
Trump, of course, took to Truth Social again, calling the video “SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR FROM TRAITORS!!!” that was “punishable by DEATH!”
“He all-capped his pants on this one,” Kimmel laughed. “No big deal though, just the president of the United States musing about Congress-people being executed.”
