Late-night hosts celebrated the congressional votes to release the Epstein files and decried Donald Trump’s warm meeting with the Saudi crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman.
Jimmy Kimmel
Tuesday was “a very big day” in Washington DC, said Jimmy Kimmel on Tuesday evening, as both the House and Senate voted near unanimously to authorize the justice department to release investigative files related to the late pedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
“Ultimately even [speaker] Mike Johnson voted yes on releasing the files,” Kimmel noted, meaning that the bill now heads to the White House, where it will probably66 be signed by Trump.
“The goal was to have the bill pass by such a large margin that Trump can’t put his little orange thumb on the scale and give it the old Cheeto veto,” he explained. “But make no mistake: this isn’t over. He’s not giving up. If anyone thinks he’s going to release all of the Epstein files, I’ve got a beautiful East Wing of the White House to sell you.”
That’s because even after the vote, “Trump cronies” in the justice department still have the power to withhold information to “protect ongoing investigations, protect innocent people or for reasons of national security”.
“But they would never do anything like that, would they?” Kimmel joked. “They’re sworn to protect the constitution of the United States!
“Something is fishy,” he added. “Trump rolled over faster than that dog Ghislaine Maxwell gets to play with in her country club prison.”
On that note: “It is amazing the kind of special treatment you get when half of the most powerful people from the last 30 years don’t want to see you testifying in court.”
Stephen Colbert
“When it comes to Congress, it’s increasingly rare that things happen,” said Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s Late Show. Which made Tuesday, when the House voted 427-1 to release the Epstein files, all the more notable.
The measure then headed to the Senate, which passed it unanimously overnight, after the Late Show taping. “Tomorrow, we might know everything he and his pervert buddies did,” said Colbert. “Meaning it’s Epstein Rockin’ Eve – stay up for a ball drop you’re gonna want to miss.”
The vote marked “a huge loss for Trump, make no mistake”, he continued. “For going on four months now, Trump and Speaker Mike Johnson fought the release of the Epstein files with every congressional tool they had, and keep in mind: Congress is loaded with some major tools.”
“But when it looked like Republicans were defecting en masse and they were going to lose big, they were suddenly all in, like they always were – right, Mike?”
Colbert then played a clip of Johnson claiming that “Republicans support maximum transparency. We always have. The president of the United States supports maximum transparency.”
“Yes, the president has always supported maximum transparency, a healthy diet of leafy greens and the understated androgynous sensuality of a flat-chested woman,” Colbert mocked. “The president would be here, but he can’t talk right now as he’s jogging to Bible study.”
Colbert also criticized Trump’s chummy White House visit with the Saudi crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman. And when a reporter brought up the murder of the journalist and regime critic Jamal Khashoggi, which US intelligence concluded was authorized by the crown prince, Trump reacted angrily. “Things happen, but he knew nothing about it, and we can leave it at that,” he said. “You don’t have to embarrass our guest by asking a question like that.”
“Yes, how dare you embarrass our guest!” Colbert mocked. “Now he’s going to feel all self-conscious when he tries to chop up somebody like you.”
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers returned to a meeting earlier this month between Trump and representatives from Switzerland, in which they gifted the president a special Rolex desktop clock and a 1kg personalized gold bar. “So now foreign officials are just openly giving him gold?” he wondered. “Trump’s turning into a live-action political cartoon. Next time, someone’s going to give him a big sack with a dollar sign on it.”
In a new interview with a British rightwing news channel, Trump said that people will ask him: “What do you recommend for growing your children?”
“I don’t know if I want advice on raising children from someone who doesn’t even know it’s called ‘raising children’,” Meyers said, laughing.
In the same interview, Trump said: “I’ve never had a drink in my life, and I don’t take drugs.”
“Maybe one of the best endorsements I’ve ever heard for drinking and doing drugs,” Meyers quipped.
