Taylor Swift‘s The Life of a Showgirl is getting mixed-to-extremely positive reviews from critics, and — most importantly — is being given a rapturous reception from her fans.
But is one track is standing out in a very unique way: The explicit “Wood,” which is being called Swift’s horniest, most blatantly sexual song of her career. And while songs about Swift’s lovers often tend to be somewhat veiled, “Wood” is notable for being pretty obvious about who it’s about and what it’s about. Namely, Swift’s fiancé, Travis Kelce. More specifically: Sex with Travis Kelce. And more specific than that: Travis Kelce having a large and magical penis. While the song’s chorus includes the refrain “knock on wood,” the title is not about, say, a coffee table. (“The song,” writes Stereogum, “is clearly and explicitly about Travis Kelce’s dick”).
Before we get to the reactions, let’s sample a few of the lyrics.
“Forgive me, it sounds cocky / He ah-matized me and opened my еyes / Redwood tree, it ain’t hard to see / His love was thе key that opened my thighs.”
(One wag annotated that last line on the Genius song lyric site by drying and helpfully noting: “Taylor Swift’s vagina is located between her thighs”).
Continued Swift: “Girls, I don’t need to catch the bouquet, mm / To know a hard rock is on the way / And baby, I’ll admit, I’ve been a little superstitious / The curse on me was broken by your magic wand / Seems to be that you and me, we make our own luck / New Heights (New Heights) of manhood (Manhood) / I ain’t gotta knock on wood.”
Kelce’s podcast is titled New Heights, which is helpfully capitalized in the official lyrics, to make the reference perfectly clear.
First, here are some critic reactions from various reviews (read our full rundown of the best and worst The Life of a Showgirl album reviews), and then we’ll get to the (more fun) fan reactions.
“Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, but by the time her song ‘Wood’ came on, I was beginning to wonder if I was accidentally listening to a parody album hallucinated by some porn-addled AI,” sniffed The London Evening Standard.
“The horn section on ‘Wood’ saves the song, which would be a misstep on its gauche lyrics and thinly veiled metaphors alone,” soberly wrote Rolling Stone.
“The album’s worst song… a skip if there ever was one,” wrote Business Insider. “[‘Wood] is what might happen if you asked a predictive text machine to swallow memes about Swift’s writing style and spit out lyrics about sex with her football player fiancé, then inexplicably set the song to Jackson 5-esque production. (Swift has written excellent songs about sex, by the way, including ‘Dress’ and ‘Guilty as Sin?’ — so I’m not saying she can’t do it. I’m saying she didn’t do it this time.)”
“But by simply and innocently pressing play on ‘Wood,’ I was forced to choke down a lumber truck’s worth of information about Travis Kelce’s dick,” wrote Vulture. “Swift sings that now she can stop ‘knocking on wood’ because she has finally found the gigantic schlong of her dreams. But the ‘wood’ is obviously meant to be yet another cheeky pun about Travis Kelce’s member — in fact, it’s the central pun, the pun that holds the whole song together. So what does she mean when she says she does not need to knock on wood? Isn’t the point of the song that she’s knocking the hell out of some wood? Ultimately it’s not about the size of your dick pun. It’s about knowing how to use it.”
“Happy for you, Taylor!” wrote NPR.
“One of the grooviest tracks on the album, ‘Wood’ is exceptionally fun and another declaration of love – but also very much lust,” wrote THR. “But [has] perhaps the most giggle-worthy line.”
“The most outrageous song she’s ever released,” wrote The Independent.
Now here is what some fans — including Nicki Minaj — are saying.
“Oh Taylor #WOOD was EXACTLY what I needed tonight. Thank you,” Minaj tweeted of the song.
“Is this Taylor’s way of saying Travis’s wood the biggest out of all of the boys she loved before?? Because GAG!!” one fan wrote on Twitter.
Another fan tweeted, “All I wanted was for Wood to be about Taylor Swift being dickmatized and The Life of a Showgirl is continuing it’s streak of giving me all I’ve ever wanted” and then “’Wood’ joining the list of Taylor Swift songs played at every wedding for the rest of time makes me so happy.”
Over on a Reddit discussion thread devoted to “Wood,” opinions varied.
“Y’all get so mad when she’s having a good time. Let her get some good dick,” wrote one.
“These lyrics are quite possibly her worst ever, and I’m a huge fan of her lyricism,” opined another. “Girl, no. Just no. We don’t need to know about the size of Travs boy parts.”
“An inordinate amount of pearl clutching over this song,” wrote a fan. “Some people seem to think Taylor is still a 17 year old virgin who lives with her mom.”
“So, I have this (tacky, inappropriate, none-of-my-business) pet theory that one of the reasons the MH situation hit her so hard was because the sex was bad…like, really bad,” wrote another. “Then to contrast with TK who is not only sweet, but apparently lays pipe like a champion. Like, okay Taylor. Get that good dick. This song is corny as hell, but I’m happy for her.”
“Laughing at how when the track list came out everyone was like ‘wood’ can’t possibly be THAT kind of wood, must be some metaphor or complicated something-or-rather, and then it turns out, yes, yes in fact it absolutely is that kind of wood,” wrote another.
Indeed. Two months ago, when we were all so innocent, a discussion thread on Reddit pouring over the Showgirl track list, speculated about the song: “My first thought was Pinocchio, a boy made of wood who just wants to be real. Maybe she can relate to not feeling like a real person or being treated like one?”
— Lexy Perez contributed to this report
