Growing up as a first-generation Vietnamese immigrant, Huy Andrew Luong struggled to connect to community.
“I’m also queer and I have a deep interest in the environment – things that did not really fit the norms of my upbringing in Sydney’s western suburbs,” the 29-year-old environmental scientist says.
Even after finding social circles at university, Luong sometimes felt “othered” in a space dominated by white heterosexual men.
He says he finds it difficult to make new friends in Sydney, where “communities often feel segregated and people aren’t always open to making new friends”.
He’s not alone in feeling alone. Australians are more isolated and have fewer friends than they did two decades ago, according to a national study released on Friday.
The Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (Hilda) survey, which has tracked the same 16,000 Australians since 2001, revealed a long-term decline in social connectedness that has only worsened since the pandemic.
Data from the report shows Australians’ self-reported friendship networks have been shrinking since 2010.
The average score on a scale of one to seven rating agreement with the statement “I seem to have a lot of friends” fell from 4.6 in 2010 to 4.1 in 2023.
“We do not see people’s friendship networks growing considerably, nor do we see people socialising much more than they did during the pandemic,” says Dr Inga Lass, a lead author of the Hilda report.
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Growing reliance on digital communication is “the new normal”, she says, but it does not appear to be a good substitute for in-person relationships.
Dr Marlee Bower, a senior research fellow at the Matilda Centre, says the “two-dimensional” nature of social media can extend existing relationships, but lacks reciprocity and shared experiences that give them meaning.
Bower says the pandemic “turbocharged” isolation, particularly for young people who lost everyday interactions – even mundane “watercooler talk” that helps ground them in a community.
Friendships hit by cost of living
The decline in friendships has hit young people the hardest, particularly men aged 24–44 and women aged 15–24, according to Hilda.
While the data shows women have historically had more friends than men, this gap has narrowed to roughly the same average number.
The Hilda report showed that while established friendships persist, building new ones is challenging. Of those who feel they have few friends, less than half improved their friendship score after a year.
When Ebony Casagrande moved to Sydney from Coffs Harbour, the 22-year-old university student found the “ease of access to socialising” in her regional hometown replaced by logistical headaches, with long travel times and extensive planning turning socialising into “admin”.
“When you live in a small town it takes 10 minutes to get anywhere,” she says. That makes for a “huge culture shock” in a bigger city: “There’s a whole new way of socialising that takes a lot more forethought … it’s an overwhelming place to navigate.”
Bower says the cost-of-living crisis also makes even simple social outings like coffee or a meal out harder to afford. “Youth is a time of major transition, when people move out of home, starting work or study, and building new identities and networks. That already brings vulnerability.”
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The rise of online companionship
As loneliness rises, so does the use of online companions, such as AI chatbots.
Dr Luke Balcombe, a researcher specialising in AI, has warned that these tools, while offering a sense of emotional support, can also lead to deeper social isolation and unhealthy dependencies.
Balcombe’s research has identified serious risks, including “AI-induced psychosis and digital trauma”, cautioning that AI companions can offer “delusional support” by “going along with” a user’s potentially harmful thinking.
Bower reinforces this, stating that digital connection cannot replace the “messy” depth of in-person bonds, which are formed through shared experiences.
“Deep friendships form through shared experiences, both the exciting – like going to a party – and the mundane – like sitting through a boring class together,” she says.
Despite these risks, Balcombe has acknowledged that AI companions are not “all bad” – but stressed that AI should be a “bridge” towards face-to-face interaction, never a replacement.
Loneliness as a public health issue
The decline in friendships is a likely contributor to the increase in psychological distress seen in the Hilda report. The prevalence of psychological distress has trended upwards since 2013, with the youngest age group (15-24) showing a substantial increase. The report found that a lack of friendships is linked to significantly poorer mental health.
Both Luong and Casagrande say social isolation negatively impacted their mental health. Luong says he “would rely on drugs just to feel comfortable and sociable”, while Casagrande attributed her “profound loneliness” to the onset of mental health challenges, leading her to start antidepressants for the first time.
“Loneliness isn’t just being alone but it’s worrying why you’re alone and are you broken and is there something wrong with you,” she says.
Bower describes loneliness as a public health issue, advocating for investment in community spaces, affordable housing and transport to support mental health.
The data shows that a large friendship network serves as a “strong protective factor” against poor mental health.
For those struggling, Bower says small steps toward connection can help, such as talking honestly with a trusted person, saying yes to social invitations, or joining groups aligned with your interests.
“Often, people respond with more kindness and openness than we expect.”
In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978. In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
