Late-night hosts respond to the shooting of Charlie Kirk and assess Donald Trump’s denials of a sexually suggestive birthday letter to Jeffrey Epstein from 2003.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert opened his show on Wednesday with an acknowledgement of the assassination of Charlie Kirk, the rightwing activist and Trump adviser who was shot and killed at age 31 during an event in Utah on Wednesday afternoon. “Our condolences go out to his family, and all of his loved ones,” said Colbert.
“I’m old enough to personally remember the political violence of the 1960s,” the Late Show host added. “And I hope it is obvious to everyone in America that political violence does not solve any of our political differences. Political violence only leads to more political violence. And I pray with all my heart that this is the aberrant action of a madman, and not a sign of things to come.”
The show then cut to the monologue staff had prepared before the Kirk news; a more chipper Colbert braced for headlines “that will be used in a future documentary”. For example, the very real headline “Poland accuses Russia of invading its airspace”.
As Poland is in Nato, a potential attack against one nation would be considered an attack against all. “Basically, Nato has the same rules as a bachelorette party at Medieval Times,” said Colbert. “‘You come for Shayna, you come for all of us, OK? It’s her special day, and you do not want to see what I will do to you with this turkey leg.’”
Nato fighter jets shot down the Russian drones as soon as they entered Nato airspace, leading the Polish prime minister to remark: “This situation brings us the closest we have been to open conflict since world war two.”
“Oh no, we’re going to have to save Private Ryan again,” Colbert quipped.
“Thankfully, with Europe on the brink of war, America has a statesman in office, who can reassure the world with a steady hand and calming words.” On Wednesday, Trump posted on Truth Social: “What’s with Russia violating Poland’s airspace with drones? Here we go!”
“I can’t believe Russia would dare take an aggressive action like this after Trump laid down a clear red line. I’m sorry, I meant to say ‘plush red carpet’,” Colbert joked before footage of Trump warmly greeting the Russian president, Vladimir Putin.
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers continued to track the Republican response to Trump’s alleged birthday letter to Jeffrey Epstein in 2003, which was released publicly by the House oversight committee this week. “For years, the conspiracy theories insisted that there was a cover-up to hide the name of powerful elites with ties to Jeffrey Epstein,” he said. “And it turns out they were right, just not in the way they wanted it to be.
“In their fever swamp brains, they thought it was only going to hurt their political enemies, but now it’s hurting their hero Donald Trump,” he added. “Which is why they’re doing all sorts of mental gymnastics to claim it couldn’t possibly be Trump’s signature in that book.”
As the speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, said of Trump: “He’s never drawn such a picture. He’s never thought of drawing such a picture.”
“I’ve never known him to be much of an artist, either,” said Representative Tim Burchett of Tennessee, who also questioned the timing of the letter’s release. “They bring something out like this now … Why wouldn’t they bring it out during the campaign?”
Meyers pointed out that the lewd letter was not provided by Democrats, but by the Epstein estate. “You think if Democrats were in possession of a birthday card from Donald Trump to the world’s most notorious sex trafficker, they would have just sat on it until after they lost?” he said. “And yes, as I say it out loud, it does seem like a fuck-up the Democrats would make.”
Regardless, Meyers had only contempt for Republicans over Epstein. “You can’t have it both ways,” he concluded. “You can’t spend years insisting that the names of powerful elites are all implicated in the Epstein files, and it’s all real except for anything with Donald Trump’s name on it, which is fake.”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel recapped Trump’s big night at a seafood restaurant he did not own in Washington DC, to make a point about deploying the national guard in the city. “It was a big night for Trump. This is the first meal he’s had in like five years that didn’t have the words ‘extra value’ in front of it,” Kimmel joked.
“Imagine he sends in the national guard, there are hundreds of troops on the street, and somehow they let a 34-time convicted felon just waltz into a restaurant, no questions asked at all.
“These poor national guardsmen and women,” he continued. “A lot of them have to leave their families and jobs to stand on the corner now watching the Ubers pass by, which is not what they signed up for. They’re supposed to be called for emergencies and disasters and wars. Instead, they’re clearing a path for President Crab Cakes to pig out with his buddies.”
While out, Trump was asked about a sexually suggestive doodle for Jeffrey Epstein. He once again denied writing the letter which apparently has his signature in 2003. “Anyone that’s covered me for a long time knows that’s not my language. That’s nonsense,” he said.
“That’s right, his language is nonsense,” Kimmel laughed. “Listen, I have no idea what Trump did or didn’t do. All I know is that he really doesn’t want us to see those Epstein files. And I’m sure whatever is in them has nothing to do with why Jeff’s lady pimp” – Ghislaine Maxwell – “got a mysterious transfer to a cushy new prison after meeting with Trump’s personal attorney.”
