\n<\/p>\n
L<\/span>aura Daly was six the first time she suspected something was wrong with her mum, Wendy. Furious at locking herself out of the house, Wendy reversed and rammed the car into their garage door once, twice, then three times, as Laura cowered silently in the back, her head flopping forwards with each smash. On the seventh smash, the garage door contorted just enough for Laura to squeeze under, get into the house and fetch the keys.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was like I was watching myself,\u201d Wendy Barker, 56,\u00a0says of this moment now. \u201cNothing would\u2019ve stopped me.\u201d<\/p>\n Inside the Hampshire home, the rage subsided and Barker wept. Until that moment she had generally hidden the worst of this kind of thing from her two\u00a0children. \u201cThe symptoms slipped out this time,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019d usually hold them in till the kids were in bed. If\u00a0my husband came home slightly late, plates and knives would fly,\u201d she says. \u201cI often say to him now, \u2018Why did you stay?\u2019 He always says, \u2018Because this wasn\u2019t you. But I knew you were in there. We just needed to get you the right help.\u2019\u201d That would become a two-decade battle, ending in a diagnosis almost no doctor had heard of.<\/p>\n Still, the guilt lingers. \u201cI have extreme regret at my two children witnessing things they shouldn\u2019t have,\u201d Barker says. At the time no one could explain her behaviour. \u201cI\u00a0was a coiled spring. Until I had that outburst of anger, screaming and tears, it wouldn\u2019t subside, no matter how much meditation someone tells you to do. And as soon as I had my period, it started building all over again.<\/p>\n \u201cI kept saying to my doctor, it\u2019s not just depression, something else is doing this to me.\u201d Like clockwork, for a\u00a0week a month, her symptoms vanished, only to reappear for the following three weeks. Initially, doctors thought it might be bipolar disorder \u2013 \u201cI was Jekyll and Hyde,\u201d Barker says \u2013 but the exact timing of symptoms, which she tracked, suggested otherwise.<\/p>\n One day, when at home and experiencing symptoms, Barker saw an episode of the BBC daytime show Kilroy <\/em>on postnatal depression with Dr\u00a0Katharina\u00a0Dalton on the panel. Barker tracked down Dalton, who coined the term premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Dalton said that Barker\u00a0had postnatal depression. \u201cBut she said, \u2018I think you also have something else,\u2019\u201d Barker says. \u201cShe told me it was premenstrual dysphoric disorder.\u201d<\/p>\n That three-word diagnosis would change Barker\u2019s life.<\/p>\n P<\/span>remenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) only officially became a diagnosable disorder in 2013 when it was added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. In 2019, it was recognised by the World Health Organization, giving the condition credibility and weight \u2013 significant for those who felt they hadn\u2019t been given due regard previously by medical professionals. In 2000, Barker became one of Britain\u2019s first cohort of women to be diagnosed. Symptoms include severe mood swings, irritability, extreme depression and anxiety, fatigue and overwhelm. Current research indicates that PMDD affects up to one in 20 women of reproductive age, though just 1.6% have a formal diagnosis. A third of those diagnosed have attempted suicide.<\/p>\n Many people \u2013 even doctors \u2013 have never heard of it, meaning those with PMDD are often misdiagnosed and untreated. Even less is understood about how such a potentially debilitating disorder can affect both mothers and their children, though in recent months the UK\u2019s first charity solely dedicated to supporting PMDD patients and their families has been set up.<\/p>\n Daly, now 37, remembers overhearing \u201cbig, fiery\u201d arguments between her parents before her mum got treatment. \u201cI\u2019d feel sad because she\u2019d be crying \u2013 I hated seeing her so upset,\u201d Daly says. \u201cMum was hard work at points. I\u2019d sometimes overhear her shouting at Dad and think, this is unfair.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d say nasty things, and felt unable to stop, then afterwards think: that was awful,\u201d Barker says. \u201cThen the tears and depression came, I\u2019d spend a week apologising \u2013 then it\u2019d start all over.\u201d Her arms are a\u00a0host of large, colourful tattoos. They hide self\u2011harm scars from when things got really bad. She has also made them a testament to her resilience. Above one, Maya\u00a0Angelou\u2019s words are inked: And still I rise.<\/p>\n A breakthrough for Barker came when consultant gynaecologist Prof John Studd trialled oestrogen implants with her. \u201cIt was the only thing that worked \u2013 my symptoms disappeared,\u201d Barker says. Yet the NHS refused to fund the treatment because PMDD was classed as a syndrome \u2013 a group of symptoms often without a fully understood cause \u2013 rather than a disease. Barker wrote to doctors, MPs and anyone who could help her affordably obtain this life-changing treatment as she moved from Hampshire to Edinburgh, where she now lives. \u201cI ended up paying \u00a3600 every six months to travel to London and get a new implant fitted at my own expense,\u201d she says. It was an essential for Barker; life on the oestrogen implant was \u201cheaven\u201d. Her daughter even once lent her \u00a31,000 to get a new one fitted, as Barker\u2019s own funds diminished.<\/p>\n Yet a lingering concern plagued Barker. \u201cI worried I\u2019d\u00a0ruined my relationship with my kids,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u00a0was lucky to get treatment before their teens. But as younger kids, they grew up around me, not with me. I was on the outside looking in, trying to manage and hide my symptoms. They bore the brunt.\u201d<\/p>\n double quotation markI kept saying to my doctor, it\u2019s not just depression, something else is doing this to me<\/span>Wendy Barker was caught in an exhausting cycle.<\/span> Photograph: Margaret Mitchell\/The Guardian<\/p>\n These issues \u2013 navigating relationships with their children, outbursts, finding the right treatment, overcoming guilt and shame \u2013 are common for PMDD mothers. Brighton counsellor Tamsin Taylor, known as the PMDD Therapist on social media, says mothers with the syndrome are often \u201criddled with guilt\u201d. As it isn\u2019t a curable condition, and there\u2019s no one \u201cproven\u201d treatment, clients come to her to help them with the psychological impacts. \u201cIt\u2019s a brutal condition,\u201d she says. \u201cThese women are really suffering.\u201d<\/p>\n Medical experts say PMDD is caused by the way the brain reacts to hormonal changes. Women\u2019s health expert Dr Louise Newson says, \u201cIt\u2019s usually triggered by changing and reducing levels of progesterone. Changing levels of oestradiol and testosterone can also have effects.\u201d<\/p>\n Treatments vary in effectiveness from patient to patient \u2013 antidepressants (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), contraceptives, hormone therapy \u2013 but what all of them need is \u201clove and support in a\u00a0non\u2011judgmental environment\u201d, Taylor says.<\/p>\n In Taylor\u2019s experience, the partner tends to bear more of the brunt than the children. \u201cWomen are fiercely protective of their children. Much of the guilt I hear is that they\u2019ve overstepped with their partner. It can tear apart relationships,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n New research released this year shows PMDD can markedly affect trust and intimacy for both those with the syndrome and their partners. Her methods help people with PMDD stop beating themselves up. It is essential to make them feel heard, especially after medical professionals might have dismissed their symptoms as \u201cclassic PMS\u201d.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s very different from that,\u201d Taylor says. \u201cIt\u2019s much more severe, lasts longer and shows up in different ways \u2013 some describe feeling extremely depressed, others get ragey.\u201d<\/p>\n Jenny Fairhurst, 41, from Crewe, noticed symptoms after having her second child. \u201cI felt like I was behind glass \u2013 watching my kids play but unable to feel joy or join in,\u201d she says. \u201cI felt dead inside. I\u2019d snap with explosive outbursts at my partner and children for the smallest things.\u201d Then would follow the inevitable feelings of \u201cimmense guilt\u201d.<\/p>\n The back and forth was unsettling. \u201cI questioned myself constantly \u2013 I couldn\u2019t understand the change in my mindset, thinking, emotions from one week to the\u00a0next,\u201d she says. \u201cIt was like I had a split personality. I was becoming hard to live with \u2013 and my connection with my kids and husband suffered. I felt I was losing\u00a0myself.\u201d<\/p>\n double quotation markThe gynaecologist\u00a0said, \u2018You\u2019ve\u00a0got PMDD.\u2019 And I said, \u2018What\u2019s that?\u2019 And I\u2019m\u00a0a GP!<\/p>\n One doctor dismissed it as \u201cnormal hormonal mood swings\u201d, leaving Fairhurst feeling \u201cdejected and unheard\u201d. But those around her had really noticed the\u00a0big change,\u00a0too. \u201cMy poor husband wouldn\u2019t know whether he was coming or going with me,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u00a0was, like, which version today?\u201d<\/p>\n After tracking her symptoms \u2013 \u201cDay 22 was always my crash day,\u201d she says \u2013 another GP finally listened. \u201cIt\u00a0was\u00a0such a turning point,\u201d Fairhurst says. \u201cI felt validated. Then, after trialling different treatments, I discovered that taking the Fluoxetine (an\u00a0antidepressant) during\u00a0the luteal phase of my cycle\u201d\u00a0\u2013 after ovulation but before menstruation \u2013 \u201chelped me level out more intense symptoms.\u201d<\/p>\n Things aren\u2019t perfect \u2013 Fairhurst still experiences those\u00a0unsettling intermittent symptoms \u2013 but her treatment gives her \u201cthat extra headspace to rationalise\u201d, she says.\u00a0Being a mum with PMDD is \u201csoul-destroying when you know you\u2019re not your best version\u00a0of yourself\u201d. But recent interactions with her 10-year-old son show that he understands the child\u2011appropriate language with which she has described the disorder.<\/p>\n \u201cHe knows in the run-up to my period that everything\u2019s a bit harder for Mummy,\u201d Fairhurst says. \u201cWhat\u2019s been so lovely is, I\u2019ll be lying on the sofa and he\u2019ll sense I\u2019m struggling, and say, \u2018Are you OK? Are you feeling sad and getting your period?\u2019, and envelop me in a big hug,\u201d she says. \u201cI think it\u2019s taught him real empathy. And he shows it because I\u2019ve tried not to hide my vulnerability from him.\u201d<\/p>\n Fairhurst still dreams of the day she\u2019ll be PMDD free <\/strong>\u2013 many with it say their symptoms ease or vanish post\u2011menopause or, for some, post-hysterectomy. \u201cI\u00a0do look forward to the post-menopause years,\u201d she\u00a0admits. \u201cBut I\u2019m thankful I\u2019ve found a way to manage the symptoms; it\u2019s allowed me to feel the love\u00a0and joy\u00a0from\u00a0spending time with the kids which PMDD had stolen.\u201d<\/p>\n T<\/span>here\u2019s currently such little understanding in the medical community of this condition, even doctors are blindsided when they are diagnosed. Dr\u00a0Milli\u00a0Raizada, 40, is a GP and an expert in women\u2019s health, yet, by her own admission, when she was diagnosed six years ago with PMDD, she had never even heard of it.<\/p>\n She felt the profession she\u2019d worked in all her life had let her down. \u201cToo many doctors, myself included, don\u2019t have the knowledge to help women who suffer in\u00a0silence,\u201d she says. As such, she is clear on what needs to happen. \u201cBetter training. More research. Stop sidelining women\u2019s health.\u201d<\/p>\n Her husband first noticed symptoms as she came off the pill. \u201cIn the luteal phase, I\u2019d be arguing lots with him and he said, \u2018This isn\u2019t normal\u2019,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m\u00a0usually\u00a0resilient and a multitasker but I suddenly had impostor syndrome, felt overwhelmed and worthless, and was hypersensitive and apathetic for two weeks of the month.\u201d After flying off the handle at her mother-in-law over a throwaway comment, Raizada knew it was time to act.<\/p>\n <\/span>Dr Milli Raizada is a GP and an expert in women\u2019s health. <\/span> Photograph: Kat Wood\/The Guardian<\/p>\n She made a gynaecologist appointment. \u201cI burst into\u00a0tears as I walked in, and said, \u2018I\u2019m probably wasting your\u00a0time but I feel like I can\u2019t cope,\u2019 and he\u00a0said, \u2018You\u2019ve\u00a0got PMDD.\u2019 And I said, \u2018What\u2019s that?\u2019 And I\u2019m\u00a0a GP!\u201d<\/p>\n She was prescribed Zoladex, inducing a chemical menopause. It has side-effects that make long-term use unsustainable, but has helped for now. Her marriage, though, suffered and ended in divorce. Her relationship with her children \u2013 now 12 and 10 \u2013 has improved. \u201cThey now understand how my cycle works,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n Newson says PMDD often follows postnatal depression. \u201cWomen are even sectioned through misdiagnosis,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n She treats PMDD with hormone treatment, which could include testosterone, progesterone or oestrogen. She says antidepressants, while somewhat effective for some women, aren\u2019t addressing the underlying root cause. \u201cI once prescribed them myself for PMDD \u2013 until I learned how transformational it is to replace those\u00a0missing hormones.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s currently a health condition understood more by women than health professionals,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not just medical help people with PMDD need; they also need psychosocial support, which is why Phoebe Williams, 28, recently founded PMDD Project, the <\/strong>UK\u2019s only charity solely dedicated to premenstrual dysphoric disorder.<\/p>\n Williams began experiencing PMDD symptoms at about 15. By 22, she understood something was wrong.<\/p>\n double quotation markOne doctor said I was being dramatic and should just crack on<\/span>Phoebe Williams runs the UK\u2019s first PMDD charity.<\/span> Photograph: Kat Wood\/The Guardian<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d spent years asking myself, why am I like this? Friends weren\u2019t reacting to their cycles like I was,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019d get unnecessarily angry, then experience depression and anxiety. My true self disappeared for a\u00a0few weeks a month,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve spoken about so many dark thoughts to various different doctors,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019d be really vulnerable and heartfelt. I was dismissed time after time.\u201d Yet she doesn\u2019t blame them. \u201cIt\u2019s not their fault,\u201d she says. \u201cThey didn\u2019t know what PMDD was either.\u201d One, however, she does call out. \u201cShe said I was being dramatic and should just crack on.\u201d Another nearly misdiagnosed her with bipolar, without asking about her cycle or hormones.<\/p>\n Experiencing suicidal ideation at 22, Williams finally came across an obscure blog describing PMDD. It was a lightbulb moment. \u201cI just went, \u2018Oh my God. This is what I have!\u2019\u201d She printed it out, took it to a male doctor who admitted he\u2019d never heard of it, but who promised to check it out and come back to her. \u201cHe was incredible,\u201d Williams says. \u201cHe phoned me the next day, having researched it, and said, yep, that\u2019s exactly what you have.\u201d<\/p>\n Having battled misdiagnosis, dismissal, an information vacuum and medical jargon, Williams set up the PMDD Project because she realised more needed to be done for women like her. It aims to educate medical\u00a0professionals, get PMDD on the healthcare curriculum and create a helpline.<\/p>\n \u201cIn a crisis, the last thing you want to do is explain what PMDD is,\u201d Williams says. She also plans an employer accreditation scheme. \u201cWe\u2019ll train workplaces about necessary accommodations such as flexible working hours for those suffering.\u201d<\/p>\n For families navigating the challenges of PMDD together, such as Barker\u2019s, it\u2019s common to hear mothers discuss guilt and worry about how their children will be affected by dramatic episodes. However, there\u2019s a\u00a0side\u2011effect that\u2019s also little discussed: trauma bonding. Daly says her mother\u2019s PMDD has actually brought them closer together. \u201cMum\u2019s absolutely my best friend,\u201d she says. \u201cWe live on the same street, I\u00a0see her all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n Now, Barker says, they even laugh about that garage incident, with her children joking about their reluctance to get into a car with her. \u201cI can talk to my mum about\u00a0anything because of how open she\u2019s been about everything she\u2019s been through,\u201d Daly says. \u201cI\u2019m\u00a0so very proud of her.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/em>Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org. You can contact the mental health charity Mind on 0300 123 3393 or by visiting mind.org.uk<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Laura Daly was six the first time she suspected something was wrong with her mum, Wendy. Furious at locking herself out of the house, Wendy reversed and rammed the car into their garage door once, twice, then three times, as Laura cowered silently in the back, her head flopping forwards with each smash. On the<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":49912,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[1442,1822,4857,2906,37,3642,14190,1014,5194,1214],"class_list":{"0":"post-49911","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-changed","9":"tag-diagnosis","10":"tag-explosive","11":"tag-family","12":"tag-health","13":"tag-month","14":"tag-rage","15":"tag-send","16":"tag-shockwaves","17":"tag-womens"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=49911"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49911\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/49912"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=49911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=49911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=49911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}