\n<\/p>\n
Well done to Roe McDermott for saying what is rarely said \u2013 that abortion doesn\u2019t lead to inevitable regret (Abortion trauma is a myth. Irish women don\u2019t need laws to make them \u2018reflect\u2019 on their choices, 26 May). My own experience of one, many years ago, was that it was in fact a very straightforward decision \u2013 I didn\u2019t want to become a mother, so I didn\u2019t. End of.<\/p>\n
What was maybe most confusing about it was that I somehow felt that I should feel more hesitant and conflicted than I actually did, that I wasn\u2019t a \u201cproper woman\u201d because I wasn\u2019t more upset about it all.<\/p>\n
Many years later, having a cancerous tumour removed from my colon felt very much the same: something was growing inside me that I really didn\u2019t want there, that would cause major impacts on my life if not removed, and it was a great relief when it was gone.<\/p>\n
The main difference, of course, was stigma. With cancer you get sympathy and casseroles; with a termination you have to be cautious who you even tell. Imagine phoning your work and saying you won\u2019t be in for the next couple of days because you\u2019re recovering from an abortion and need to rest. You just wouldn\u2019t; you\u2019d plead flu instead. Am I asking for this letter to be published anonymously? No. It\u2019s time we let go of this false shame. I wholeheartedly agree with the message of Roe McDermott\u2019s article. However, I would like to add some further nuance. I agree with fighting for abortion rights; I did it \u2013 and still do it \u2013 myself (both before and after my own experience of abortion). But I am sad that it is so necessary.<\/p>\n We only ever talk about abortion in a moral or ethical framing, something to be debated in a courtroom. I do not regret my decision to have an abortion. But it was painful, heart-wrenching and represents a loss that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. This experience was made harder by the fact that I felt I shouldn\u2019t or couldn\u2019t talk about it, for fear of it being used as fodder for anti-abortion groups or dismissed as \u201cnot real\u201d by others. My grief felt like it wasn\u2019t allowed, because it didn\u2019t fit neatly into a legalistic narrative.<\/p>\n To be clear, I am firmly pro-choice and extend my gratitude to all the activists who have fought \u2013 and will continue to fight \u2013 for the right for women to choose. I am against the three-day waiting period, for the reasons given in McDermott\u2019s article. But I want people with experience of abortions to know that how they feel is OK: it\u2019s OK if you felt no attachment; it\u2019s OK if you felt ambivalent; it\u2019s OK if you (like me) cried at a makeshift grave on the darkest days. It\u2019s OK if you\u2019re somewhere in between. As Amanda Palmer put it in her song Voicemail for Jill: \u201cYou don\u2019t need to offer the right explanation \/ You don\u2019t need to beg for redemption or ask for forgiveness \/ And you don\u2019t need a courtroom inside of your head \/ Where you\u2019re acting as judge and accused and defendant and witness.\u201d Having had three abortions myself, I think it\u2019s more complex than Roe McDermott suggests. Women choose an abortion and may never regret that they aborted, but may also be traumatised by the pregnancy loss.<\/p>\n Being pregnant, even for a few weeks, changes your body, flush with hormones and deep instincts. To deny that is a disservice to women. Somehow we must fend off the anti-abortion crowd, while acknowledging the humanity of the loss.<\/p>\n After my first abortion I felt like an alien \u2013 stressed, fearful, changed and in hiding. How much better I would have felt if support groups for abortion women were as normalised as alcohol or PTSD support groups, without the social judgment. Hell, it would have helped if I\u2019d been able to tell my friends.<\/p>\n Eventually I had a child, and now I viscerally understand motherhood. I\u2019d made sense of my abortion trauma and put it behind me. But life likes its little jokes. I tried for a second child, only to return to abortion for chromosome abnormalities. Flooding back came the same sadness, engorged on my new mother\u2019s body and brain, and also the same 100% certainty that my choice was correct. I didn\u2019t need three days to think. I had been thoughtful and I was certain.<\/p>\n Imagine the outcry if men had a mandated wait of three days to get erectile dysfunction medications or vasectomy. And if you\u2019re experiencing post-abortion trauma which sent you into the anti-abortion ranks, please do work to heal your own psyche, but get your hands off my body. <\/strong>Have an opinion on anything you\u2019ve read in the Guardian today? Please email us your letter and it will be considered for publication in our letters section.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Well done to Roe McDermott for saying what is rarely said \u2013 that abortion doesn\u2019t lead to inevitable regret (Abortion trauma is a myth. Irish women don\u2019t need laws to make them \u2018reflect\u2019 on their choices, 26 May). My own experience of one, many years ago, was that it was in fact a very straightforward<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":49842,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[5457,12424,7462],"class_list":{"0":"post-49841","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-abortion","9":"tag-decide","10":"tag-regret"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49841","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=49841"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49841\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/49842"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=49841"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=49841"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=49841"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Sylvia Rose
<\/strong>Totnes, Devon<\/em><\/p>\n
Name and address supplied<\/strong><\/p>\n
Name and address supplied<\/strong><\/p>\n