\n<\/p>\n
T<\/span>homas Delaney never used to believe he was \u201cgood enough to be loved\u201d. Growing up, he internalised the hurt he saw playing out at home. \u201cI thought I was useless, I wasn\u2019t a nice person\u00a0\u2026 I even thought that my mum and dad didn\u2019t love each other because of me.\u201d<\/p>\n When I visit him (and his extremely affectionate black-and-white cat, Figaro) at home in Glasgow, Delaney, dressed in a jumper printed with the words \u201cnicotine is dumb\u201d, is frank about the impact his childhood had on him. \u201cI had suicidal ideations from a very, very young age because I assumed that, if I was dead, maybe my mum and dad wouldn\u2019t be arguing.\u201d Later, he became addicted to ketamine. At his most unwell, he\u00a0weighed just 38kg (6st).<\/p>\n \u201cThe reason people use drugs of any kind is because they want to escape,\u201d Delaney says. The 39-year-old has been abstinent from drugs for the past seven years and now works as a public speaker to raise awareness of and prevent substance abuse.<\/p>\n Delaney\u2019s parents are Irish and he lived in Nenagh, County Tipperary, for the first two years of his life before the family moved to Hackney, east London. His parents\u2019 relationship was on and off throughout his childhood, but it finished for good on 31 August 1997\u00a0\u2013 he remembers clearly because it was the day that Diana, Princess of Wales died \u2013 when his mother moved with Delaney, then 11, and his two younger brothers to Barnsley. But tensions at the new home remained high. As a teenager, Delaney took any way out he could find: joining the army cadets and signing up to every weekend away; staying at friends\u2019 houses as much as possible; taking on a job at a call centre when he was 16; and eventually attempting to drown out\u00a0everything with drugs.<\/p>\n <\/span>\u2018I knew that if I was ever going to get better, I couldn\u2019t run away\u2019 \u2026 Delaney on the day he went into rehab.<\/span> Photograph: Courtesy of Thomas Delaney<\/p>\n He was 17 when he first tried cocaine on a night out, \u201cbehind a Greggs in Barnsley town centre\u201d, he says, with a grim smile. He immediately \u201cfell in love with\u201d the feeling of being high, becoming hooked on the way it made him feel\u00a0connected to others \u2013 something his life had been lacking.<\/p>\n One day, he went to work \u2013 he had a job in sales at a water filtration company \u2013 after a weekend of partying and collapsed. \u201cI had white powder all around my nose,\u201d he says. His boss fired him on the spot. After that, he and a friend moved back to Ireland for a fresh start. For a short while, that seemed to work. \u201cI started looking after myself, rarely took drugs,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n After six months, he returned to England and decided to try living in London. He got another sales job. Although he still took cocaine \u201cif I went out on a date or I went out on a night out \u2026 life was a lot more manageable\u201d. However, his job was demanding, living costs continued to rise and, after two years, he had \u201cjust had enough\u201d. At 21, lonely and lacking direction, he returned to Barnsley, where the drug scene had \u201csort of shifted\u201d: ketamine, a dissociative anaesthetic, had become the drug of choice for several of his friends. Recent data has shown a concerning rise in the class B drug\u2019s recreational use in England and Wales, with Barnsley named as a hotspot by Alison Downey, a consultant urologist in\u00a0South Yorkshire.<\/p>\n When he had been in London, he had \u201cdespised ketamine\u201d, Delaney says. His reason for taking drugs then was to socialise; he couldn\u2019t see the point of taking something that made you seem like \u201ca zombie\u201d. But after moving in with two friends in Barnsley, one of\u00a0whom dealt drugs, Delaney started experimenting on nights out. \u201cI would use cocaine to pick me up, I would use ketamine to take me down,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n double quotation markOne day, he was in the bath when a man came to the door with a gun: \u2018That was really traumatising\u2019<\/p>\n It makes sense to Delaney that ketamine has risen in popularity: not only is it cheap, but it also appeals to partygoers and people sitting at home on their sofa, wanting to lose themselves for a while. When he talks to young ketamine users now, \u201cmost of them really struggled through lockdown\u201d, he says. While he doesn\u2019t think rising ketamine use is a direct result of the pandemic, \u201cit\u00a0certainly hasn\u2019t helped\u201d: faced with the stress of a global catastrophe and a ban on leaving the house, using ketamine was often an escape.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s an escape that comes at a price, as Delaney well knows. Back in Barnsley, he lost another job after he went to work high and swore at a customer. He started dealing drugs. While he realises now that it was \u201cstupid\u201d, he thinks having a phone that was constantly ringing gave him the sense of validation that he had always lacked.<\/p>\n But with constant access to ketamine and no work, Delaney\u2019s addiction grew worse. He was \u201cin\u00a0and out of hospital\u201d and chronic ketamine use had damaged his bladder to the extent that he was \u201cpeeing the lining out, peeing blood constantly\u201d, he says. One day, he was in the bath when a man came to the door with a gun, looking for Delaney\u2019s housemate, and proceeded to take all of the drugs and money in the property. \u201cThat was a really traumatising thing for\u00a0me,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n After that, he decided to take some time out from Barnsley, spending another 18 months in Ireland, living relatively healthily, before returning at 24. Despite his intention to stay off drugs, \u201cas soon as I came off the boat, I used ketamine\u201d, he says. He was offered his first \u201cproper corporate job\u201d, working in the education sector\u00a0\u2013 an opportunity that nearly fell through due to his criminal convictions for drug possession. His manager decided to give him the job, with the caveat that he would be subject to random drug tests. \u201cBut I realised the drug test they used didn\u2019t test for ketamine, it tested for everything else,\u201d Delaney says. \u201cSo instantly my brain was like: well, you have to just use ket and you\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n He worked for that company for seven years before being made redundant in 2018. \u201cI had nothing,\u201d Delaney says. \u201cI didn\u2019t have a job to\u00a0hide behind. I didn\u2019t have any fancy suits to wear any more.\u201d No longer able to afford a place of his own, he lived in his car \u201cuntil I sold it for a drug debt\u201d, he says. He started living in a field. After several suicide attempts, he decided to seek medical help and went to his local surgery. \u201cI\u2019m a drug addict,\u201d he told the doctor. \u201cAnd that was the first time I\u2019d ever\u00a0really said that.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/span>\u2018Being a father gives me purpose\u2019 \u2026 Delaney with his son at his graduation.<\/span> Photograph: Courtesy of Thomas Delaney<\/p>\n But it was an argument with his mother that really motivated him to turn his life around. By then, \u201cmy relationship with my mum wasn\u2019t great\u201d, he says. Delaney\u2019s addiction had become so severe that he would have to urinate in a bucket when he visited her because\u00a0he wasn\u2019t able to make it to\u00a0the bathroom.<\/p>\n \u201cI knew that if I was ever going to get better, I couldn\u2019t run away to Ireland or to London again and just hide it all,\u201d he says. Through a local recovery service he had contacted after his visit to the doctor, he was admitted to a rehabilitation centre in Glasgow on 2 November 2018, at 32. He chose to go to a centre in Glasgow rather than other cities he was offered as, despite the city\u2019s reputation, he reasoned it would be harder for him to get hold of drugs there without any local contacts. \u201cBut the real and the main reason was because it had en suite rooms,\u201d he says. Delaney\u2019s bladder issues were constant, so he wanted access to his own toilet.<\/p>\n The centre didn\u2019t usually treat ketamine addiction. \u201cEven some staff members would tell me that I wasn\u2019t a proper junkie,\u201d he says, as he wasn\u2019t addicted to a class A drug. His six and a half months there \u201cwere one of the hardest parts of my life\u201d, he says, noting that rehabilitation centres are not always the safe havens they are assumed to be. (\u201cI never saw heroin in my entire life until I went to\u00a0rehab.\u201d)<\/p>\n Ultimately, he received support from staff whom he describes as \u201camazing\u201d. It was during this period that he stopped using drugs for good.<\/p>\n double quotation markWe have this perception that you go to rehab, someone waves a magic wand and you never use drugs again. I wish that was the case<\/p>\n After rehab, Delaney had no idea what he would do next. When an article he wrote for his rehabilitation centre went viral, he was contacted by the digital publisher LADbible, which wanted to make a video about him. Since then, he has been featured in various publications and has been invited to speak in parliament. While volunteering for a youth organisation in 2021, he met the late\u00a0queen (although he says he is \u201cnot a royalist, obviously\u201d). He now\u00a0works with organisations including the police, the NHS and the National Crime Agency, sharing his story and working with drug users. \u201cI want to normalise that people can get better,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n He plans to continue that mission via more community work, as well as academic research: he graduated with a first class degree in community education from the University of Glasgow last year and is now studying for a master\u2019s. He also became a father three years ago\u00a0and says that building a life with his partner and son has become the \u201cmost important thing\u201d\u00a0to him. Kirsty, who runs her own cleaning business, \u201cjudges me\u00a0on who she met, not my past\u201d, he says.<\/p>\n Although Delaney hasn\u2019t drunk alcohol or taken an illegal drug since his first day at rehab, he is keen to emphasise that he is \u201cnot special\u201d. \u201cAnybody can get better if they want to change their life and they have the strength and courage to do so. \u201cI once walked 20 miles to attend a meeting and walked back because I had no money for the bus or a taxi,\u201d he says. \u201cWe have this perception of: you go to rehab, someone waves a magic wand and then you leave and you never use drugs and alcohol again. I wish that was the case.\u201d In the seven years since Delaney left rehab, \u201cI could probably name 20, 30 people who have gone through that same service that are dead\u201d.<\/p>\n <\/span>\u2018She judges me on who she met, not my past\u2019 \u2026 Delaney with his partner, Kirsty.<\/span> Photograph: Courtesy of Thomas Delaney<\/p>\n Delaney says people need to be brought out of poverty if drug abuse is to be reduced, drawing on the idea that people living in economically deprived areas are more likely to have mental health issues or suffer in ways that might lead them to addiction. \u201cWe need rehabs. We need support workers. We need all of that,\u201d Delaney says. \u201cBut unless the environment is changing, what\u2019s the point?\u201d<\/p>\n More than seven years after leaving rehab, has Delaney finally accepted what he couldn\u2019t as a child: that he is deserving of love? \u201cNo,\u201d he admits, welling up slightly. \u201cYou need to leave now,\u201d he jokes. But, he says, being a father \u201cgives me purpose\u201d. \u201cIf there\u2019s one thing I can teach my son, hopefully it\u2019s that no matter how much you think you\u2019ve fucked everything up, no matter how much you think everything\u2019s shit, you can always change it.\u201d<\/p>\n In the UK, <\/em>Taking Action on Addiction provides links to support services. <\/em>In the US, call or text <\/em>SAMHSA<\/em>\u2019s National helpline at 988. In Australia, the <\/em>National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline<\/em> is at 1800 250 015; families and friends can seek help at <\/em>Family Drug Support Australia<\/em> at 1300 368 186<\/em><\/p>\n In the UK and Ireland, <\/em>Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116\u00a0123, or\u00a0email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie<\/em>. In the US, you can call or text the <\/em>988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline<\/em> at 988 or chat at <\/em>988lifeline.org<\/em>. In Australia, the crisis support service <\/em>Lifeline<\/em> is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at <\/em>befrienders.org<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Thomas Delaney never used to believe he was \u201cgood enough to be loved\u201d. Growing up, he internalised the hurt he saw playing out at home. \u201cI thought I was useless, I wasn\u2019t a nice person\u00a0\u2026 I even thought that my mum and dad didn\u2019t love each other because of me.\u201d When I visit him (and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":48328,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[1453,16727,542,1024,9863,24221,415],"class_list":{"0":"post-48327","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-blood","9":"tag-constantly","10":"tag-drugs","11":"tag-hell","12":"tag-ketamine","13":"tag-peeing","14":"tag-stop"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=48327"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48327\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/48328"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=48327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=48327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=48327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}