\n<\/p>\n
Perhaps one of the reasons that conversations about infertility are so difficult is that people are often encountering the experience for the first time without a shared language (Infertility: at a time when we need the right words, some are unable to find them, 21 March). In many ways, what people need is not just support, but a vocabulary for what they are going through. When someone loses a loved one, we have a go-to phrase: \u201cI\u2019m so sorry for your loss\u201d. It\u2019s not enough, but it\u2019s something. With infertility, we don\u2019t even have that.<\/p>\n
When people don\u2019t know what to say, they often reach for reassurance or positivity. This is usually well-intentioned, but it tends to reflect the discomfort of the person speaking rather than the needs of the person going through it.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t know what to say, it is often more helpful to say exactly that. Saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say, but I\u2019m here and I want to support you. Help me to understand what would be helpful\u201d can feel far more genuine and containing. Ultimately, this is not about getting the wording \u201cright\u201d. It is about being able to tolerate discomfort, both in yourself and in\u00a0someone else, and staying in the\u00a0conversation. Nuala McGovern\u2019s piece captured the emotional toll of infertility so acutely that it moved me to tears, despite the long time that has passed since I went through those experiences. I am now in my late 50s, but I well remember the clumsiness of \u201cwell-meaning\u201d comments, the invasiveness of questions, and the projections of some weird hierarchy of effort and suffering that McGovern described. I also recognised her description of coming to the end of the road, and the mixture of grief and acceptance. Thank you for writing so beautifully on this topic. Have an opinion on anything you\u2019ve read in the Guardian today? Please <\/em><\/strong>email<\/em><\/strong> us your letter and it will be considered for publication in our <\/em><\/strong>letters<\/em><\/strong> section.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Perhaps one of the reasons that conversations about infertility are so difficult is that people are often encountering the experience for the first time without a shared language (Infertility: at a time when we need the right words, some are unable to find them, 21 March). In many ways, what people need is not just<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":47528,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[9626,9660,11248,4558,10479,2196],"class_list":{"0":"post-47527","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-conversations","9":"tag-essential","10":"tag-fertility","11":"tag-hard","12":"tag-infertility","13":"tag-problems"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47527","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47527"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47527\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/47528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47527"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47527"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47527"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley<\/strong>
Chartered member of the British Psychological Society<\/em><\/p>\n
Claire Nixon<\/strong>
Colchester, Essex<\/em><\/p>\n