\n<\/p>\n
When Rachel needed a place to live, Maya was only too happy to offer her spare room. What are friends for?<\/p>\n
Rachel had recently returned to her home town to start afresh, having been made redundant. Maya, a\u00a0childhood friend, owned her three-bedroom home, having been helped to buy it by her parents.<\/p>\n
When Rachel offered to pay rent, Maya suggested\u00a0a figure \u2013 the market rate. Rachel agreed, recognising that she was in a bind and that Maya was\u00a0helping her.<\/p>\n
Over time, however, she found herself increasingly at Maya\u2019s beck and call, and doing more than her share of the housework. If Maya left dirty dishes in the sink, or didn\u2019t clean the stovetop after cooking, Rachel did it for her.<\/p>\n
She even obliged with Maya\u2019s more idiosyncratic house rules, such as no laundry in the common areas, and no strong kitchen smells. Rachel hung her laundry in her room and refrained from cooking fish or curry. \u201cThat was my way of saying, \u2018Thank you for sharing your house with me,\u2019\u201d she says, even though she was also paying rent.<\/p>\n
But Maya\u2019s demands escalated. She started questioning how often Rachel worked from home and did her laundry. But the breaking point came when the front door lock broke. The locksmith who fixed it said it was a building fault; Maya blamed Rachel and charged her for the repair.<\/p>\n
\u201cI realised what had been obvious the whole time,\u201d Rachel says. Maya treated her like a\u00a0friend only when it suited her. Otherwise,\u00a0Rachel was her\u00a0tenant. Rachel moved\u00a0out\u00a0not long afterwards. \u201cI\u00a0don\u2019t think I want a\u00a0friend who\u00a0would do\u00a0that to me \u2013 or anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n
Friendship should be cherished as a relationship between equals, but worsening inequality is testing that, forcing friends into the uneven dynamic of landlord and lodger.<\/p>\n
According to flatsharing website SpareRoom, there was an 89% increase in homeowners taking in lodgers over the three years to January 2024, driven by rising living costs. Renters face the same pressures, especially in London, where rooms now cost an average of \u00a31,000 a month.<\/p>\n
With homeowners seeking a side income, and renters scrambling for affordable accommodation, friends on either side of the divide are meeting each\u00a0other halfway.<\/p>\n
No friend should know how\u00a0much toilet paper the other uses in a day.\u00a0She sometimes uses a whole roll \u2013 it drives me crazy<\/p>\n
Introducing the \u201cfriendlord\u201d: you need a room, they have one to spare, and you know you get on \u2013 they might even cut you a deal on the rent. It can seem like the best possible compromise in such an\u00a0unequal society.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also a risk, creating a power imbalance in a\u00a0personal relationship. Not all friendships are built to withstand discussions of money, requests for repairs or cohabitation. And should the situation break down, you stand to lose not just a roof over your head, but a relationship, too.<\/p>\n
Emily moved in with her friendlord three years ago. They\u2019ve known each other since childhood, and Emily was looking for a room just as her friend was buying a flat \u2013 it seemed win-win.<\/p>\n
But she\u2019s struggled to feel it\u2019s truly her home. \u201cI\u2019m always very aware of myself, and don\u2019t feel at ease in shared spaces like I did when I lived in a flat we were all renting,\u201d Emily says. She keeps her photos off the fridge and, if any of her food goes missing, she keeps quiet, not wanting to confront a\u00a0friend. The implicit hierarchy even extends to the\u00a0bathroom towel rail: her friend\u2019s towel goes on\u00a0the top rung, and Emily\u2019s below. The close quarters have also brought an uneasy intimacy to\u00a0their relationship. \u201cNo friend should know how\u00a0much toilet paper the other uses,\u201d Emily says.\u00a0\u201cShe sometimes uses a whole roll in a day \u2013 it\u00a0drives me crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her friend is at least not precious or controlling as\u00a0a landlord, and charges her mates\u2019 rates in rent: \u201cIt\u2019s an absolute bargain.\u201d<\/p>\n
Emily admits her frustration mostly stems from having to live in her friend\u2019s pocket, at a time in life when she wants independence. \u201cI feel like the loser friend,\u201d she says. \u201cBuying a house is a big goal of mine and I wish it was possible right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
For others, however, the risks of renting from a\u00a0friend are still less of a worry than taking their chances on the market. \u201cWhen it\u2019s a friend, you know \u2013 or you hope \u2013 that you\u2019re not going to be totally screwed over,\u201d says Helen.<\/p>\n
<\/span> Composite: Getty\/Alamy<\/p>\n She rents a room from a friend who lives with her partner. Rather than rely on goodwill, Helen\u2019s friend was \u201cvery by the book\u201d, drawing up an agreement and inventory, registering a deposit and even consulting the Landlord Advice helpline.<\/p>\n That brings Helen peace of mind, and not just as a\u00a0tenant. \u201cBecause it\u2019s done in a formal, official way, it helps me to separate her as a friend and as a\u00a0landlord. I\u2019ve had people go, \u2018You\u2019re just paying off\u00a0your friend\u2019s mortgage\u2019, but we\u2019re in totally different circumstances,\u201d she says. \u201cShe was in a\u00a0position to buy, and I wasn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n For the friendlord, who is in the more powerful position, the shift can be tricky to manage. When Tim offered his flat to his friend, after moving in with his girlfriend, he was keenly aware of the responsibility involved.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve had plenty of shit landlords over the course of my life \u2013 the absolute last thing I would want is to end up being one myself,\u201d he says. \u201cIn an ideal world, we wouldn\u2019t have landlords at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Tim\u2019s response has been to try to be as transparent and fair as possible: he charges his friend 25-50% less than market rates in rent, with reductions when cash is tight, and didn\u2019t ask for a\u00a0deposit. \u201cAs friends, those are things we should be\u00a0able to work out, and I trust him to treat the flat with care,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n Tim is proactive with repairs and maintenance, even paying for materials to paint the walls. \u201cI mean, these are really basic things you\u2019d hope any landlord would do \u2013 but when your tenants are your friends, it\u2019s even more important.\u201d<\/p>\n More broadly, Tim strives to be mindful of the essential imbalance between him and his friend. \u201cWhile the bricks and mortar are my asset, it is his home,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n When they meet up socially, it\u2019s usually at the pub. \u201cI am probably less likely to go round to his flat\u00a0\u2013 my flat \u2013 than I am another friend\u2019s, simply because I don\u2019t want to impinge,\u201d he says. \u201cI think it\u00a0would be a bit weird if I was hanging out there every Friday night.\u201d<\/p>\n Without mutual understanding, the fact that one friend is now the \u201clandlord\u201d can become harder to overlook, says journalist Alice Wilkinson, author of How to Stay Sane in a House Share.<\/p>\n She once rented from an old friend after reaching\u00a0breaking point in a houseshare, but found\u00a0their shared history helped them to navigate any awkwardness.<\/p>\n Their six months cohabiting even deepened their friendship, allowing her to get to know her friend\u2019s husband. \u201cI\u2019d never have come to know him that well if we hadn\u2019t lived together, so that was a\u00a0wonderful thing,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n I had renters\u2019 rights, but didn\u2019t feel I\u00a0could exercise them because we were \u2018friends\u2019 \u2026 She evicted me on New Year\u2019s Eve<\/p>\n Others aren\u2019t so lucky. A woman Wilkinson spoke\u00a0to for her book wound up becoming her live-in\u00a0landlady\u2019s personal chef, cooking meals to\u00a0order. She\u2019d signed up to a meal kit, and her landlord would express preferences from the available recipes. \u201cShe\u2019d just make her dinners all\u00a0the time \u2026 She didn\u2019t want to live like that, but\u00a0because her flatmate owned the house, she kind\u00a0of had to comply.\u201d<\/p>\n Sometimes the divide between the friendlord and\u00a0the lodger\u2019s statuses is made as plain as day. Melissa lived with a\u00a0home-owning couple in a flat on\u00a0a brightly lit street. \u201cOne day they came home all\u00a0excited to tell me about their new blackout curtains,\u201d she remembers. \u201cI was also excited, until I\u00a0realised they hadn\u2019t bought any for my room.\u201d It\u00a0highlighted the \u201cweird dynamic\u201d, she says. \u201cI\u00a0moved out not long after.\u201d<\/p>\n At worst, friendlords can be actively exploitative. After moving in with a friend of a friend who owned a three-bedroom flat, Eimear found herself being treated as a \u201crevenue stream\u201d.<\/p>\n \u201cAt the start it was fine,\u201d she says. The friendlord had explicit house rules, but Eimear was happy to comply, given the relatively cheap rent.<\/p>\n But not long after Eimear moved in, the friendlord decided to go travelling. While overseas, she listed her room and the spare on Airbnb \u2013 leaving Eimear living alongside a constant stream of strangers.<\/p>\n \u201cAt one point I was living with two men who I\u00a0hadn\u2019t met,\u201d she says. \u201c I would literally lie in bed thinking: \u2018Who is next door to me?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n The \u201cstrange, hierarchical setup\u201d with her friendlord made Eimear feel as though she couldn\u2019t push back. \u201cI had renters\u2019 rights, but I didn\u2019t feel I\u00a0could exercise them because we were \u2018friends\u2019. And\u00a0she played on that, too,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n After a few months, she told her friendlord the situation wasn\u2019t working and she was thinking of moving out. \u201cShe evicted me on New Year\u2019s Eve.\u201d<\/p>\n A friendlord may even provide less security than taking your chances on the market. Lodgers (sharing their landlords\u2019 primary residence) actually have fewer rights than renters, being more vulnerable to rent increases and not being covered by the deposit protection system. The property owner also has to provide only basic notice of eviction.<\/p>\n \u201cEven if you trust your friend, it is possible that in a week or less you could be kicked out,\u201d says Nye Jones, head of campaigns at Generation Rent.<\/p>\n Jones suggests renting from a friend might be best approached as a temporary solution, and advises caution even between good friends. As a\u00a0lodger, he\u00a0says, \u201cyou are living with much less security \u2026 The landlord can even just change the locks.\u201d<\/p>\n That would probably spell the end of the friendship, too, he agrees. \u201cIt\u2019s difficult to come back from a lock change.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When Rachel needed a place to live, Maya was only too happy to offer her spare room. What are friends for? Rachel had recently returned to her home town to start afresh, having been made redundant. Maya, a\u00a0childhood friend, owned her three-bedroom home, having been helped to buy it by her parents. When Rachel offered<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":41040,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[21971,337,20248,17890,8393,891,1390],"class_list":{"0":"post-41039","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-social-issues","8":"tag-friendlords","9":"tag-life","10":"tag-mate","11":"tag-pitfalls","12":"tag-renting","13":"tag-style","14":"tag-trouble"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41039","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=41039"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41039\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/41040"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=41039"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=41039"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=41039"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}