\n<\/p>\n
\n\tTaylor Swift\u2018s The Life of a Showgirl<\/em> is getting mixed-to-extremely positive reviews from critics, and \u2014 most importantly \u2014 is being given a rapturous reception from her fans. <\/p>\n \n\tBut is one track is standing out in a very unique way: The explicit \u201cWood,\u201d which is being called Swift\u2019s horniest, most blatantly sexual song of her career. And while songs about Swift\u2019s lovers often tend to be somewhat veiled, \u201cWood\u201d is notable for being pretty obvious about who it\u2019s about and what it\u2019s about. Namely, Swift\u2019s fianc\u00e9, Travis Kelce. More specifically: Sex with Travis Kelce. And more specific than that: Travis Kelce having a large and magical penis. While the song\u2019s chorus includes the refrain \u201cknock on wood,\u201d the title is not about, say, a coffee table. (\u201cThe song,\u201d writes Stereogum, \u201cis clearly and explicitly about Travis Kelce\u2019s dick\u201d).<\/p>\n \n\tBefore we get to the reactions, let\u2019s sample a few of the lyrics.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cForgive me, it sounds\u00a0cocky \/ He\u00a0ah-matized\u00a0me and opened my \u0435yes \/ Redwood tree, it ain\u2019t hard to see \/ His love was th\u0435 key that\u00a0opened my thighs.\u201d <\/p>\n \n\t(One wag annotated that last line on the Genius song lyric site by drying and helpfully noting: \u201cTaylor Swift\u2019s vagina is located between her thighs\u201d). <\/p>\n \n\tContinued Swift: \u201cGirls, I don\u2019t need to catch the bouquet, mm \/ To know a hard rock is on the way \/ And baby, I\u2019ll admit, I\u2019ve been a little superstitious \/ The curse on me was broken by your magic wand \/ Seems to be that you and me, we make our own luck \/ New Heights (New Heights) of manhood (Manhood) \/ I ain\u2019t gotta knock on wood.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tKelce\u2019s podcast is titled New Heights<\/em>, which is helpfully capitalized in the official lyrics, to make the reference perfectly clear.<\/p>\n \n\tFirst, here are some critic reactions from various reviews (read our full rundown of the best and worst The Life of a Showgirl<\/em> album reviews), and then we\u2019ll get to the (more fun) fan reactions. <\/p>\n \n\t\u201cPerhaps it was the sleep deprivation, but by the time her song \u2018Wood\u2019 came on, I was beginning to wonder if I was accidentally listening to a parody album hallucinated by some porn-addled AI,\u201d sniffed The London Evening Standard<\/em>.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cThe horn section on \u2018Wood\u2019 saves the song, which would be a misstep on its gauche lyrics and thinly veiled metaphors alone,\u201d soberly wrote Rolling Stone<\/em>.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cThe album\u2019s worst song\u2026 a skip if there ever was one,\u201d wrote Business Insider<\/em>. \u201c[\u2018Wood] is what might happen if you asked a\u00a0predictive text machine\u00a0to swallow\u00a0memes about Swift\u2019s writing style\u00a0and spit out lyrics about sex with her football player fianc\u00e9, then inexplicably set the song to Jackson 5-esque production. (Swift has written excellent songs about sex, by the way, including \u2018Dress\u2019 and \u2018Guilty as Sin?\u2019 \u2014 so I\u2019m not saying she can\u2019t do it. I\u2019m saying she didn\u2019t do it this time.)\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cBut by simply and innocently pressing play on \u2018Wood,\u2019 I was forced to choke down a lumber truck\u2019s worth of information about Travis Kelce\u2019s dick,\u201d wrote Vulture<\/em>. \u201cSwift sings that now she can stop \u2018knocking on wood\u2019 because she has finally found the gigantic schlong of her dreams. But the \u2018wood\u2019 is obviously meant to be yet another cheeky pun about Travis Kelce\u2019s member \u2014 in fact, it\u2019s the central pun, the pun that holds the whole song together. So what does she mean when she says she does\u00a0not\u00a0<\/em>need to knock on wood? Isn\u2019t the point of the song that she\u2019s knocking the hell out of some wood? Ultimately it\u2019s not about the\u00a0size<\/em>\u00a0of your dick pun. It\u2019s about knowing how to use it.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cHappy for you, Taylor!\u201d wrote NPR.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cOne of the grooviest tracks on the album, \u2018Wood\u2019 is exceptionally fun and another declaration of love \u2013 but also very much lust,\u201d wrote THR<\/em>. \u201cBut [has] perhaps the most giggle-worthy line.\u201d <\/p>\n \n\t\u201cThe most outrageous song she\u2019s ever released,\u201d wrote The Independent<\/em>.<\/p>\n \n\tNow here is what some fans \u2014 including Nicki Minaj \u2014 are saying.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cOh Taylor #WOOD was EXACTLY what I needed tonight. Thank you,\u201d Minaj tweeted of the song.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cIs this Taylor\u2019s way of saying Travis\u2019s wood the biggest out of all of the boys she loved before?? Because GAG!!\u201d one fan wrote on Twitter.<\/p>\n \n\tAnother fan tweeted, \u201cAll I wanted was for Wood to be about Taylor Swift being dickmatized and The Life of a Showgirl is continuing it\u2019s streak of giving me all I\u2019ve ever wanted\u201d and then \u201c\u2019Wood\u2019 joining the list of Taylor Swift songs played at every wedding for the rest of time makes me so happy.\u201d <\/p>\n \n\tOver on a Reddit discussion thread devoted to \u201cWood,\u201d opinions varied. <\/p>\n \n\t\u201cY\u2019all get so mad when she\u2019s having a good time. Let her get some good dick,\u201d wrote one. <\/p>\n \n\t\u201cThese lyrics are quite possibly her worst ever, and I\u2019m a huge fan of her lyricism,\u201d opined another. \u201cGirl, no. Just no. We don\u2019t need to know about the size of Travs boy parts.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cAn inordinate amount of pearl clutching over this song,\u201d wrote a fan. \u201cSome people seem to think Taylor is still a 17 year old virgin who lives with her mom.\u201d <\/p>\n \n\t\u201cSo, I have this (tacky, inappropriate, none-of-my-business) pet theory that one of the reasons the MH situation hit her so hard was because the sex was bad\u2026like, really bad,\u201d wrote another. \u201cThen to contrast with TK who is not only sweet, but apparently lays pipe like a champion. Like, okay Taylor. Get that good dick. This song is corny as hell, but I\u2019m happy for her.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cLaughing at how when the track list came out everyone was like \u2018wood\u2019 can\u2019t possibly be THAT kind of wood, must be some metaphor or complicated something-or-rather, and then it turns out, yes, yes in fact it absolutely is that kind of wood,\u201d wrote another. <\/p>\n \n\tIndeed. Two months ago, when we were all so innocent, a discussion thread on Reddit pouring over the Showgirl<\/em> track list, speculated about the song: \u201cMy first thought was Pinocchio, a boy made of wood who just wants to be real. Maybe she can relate to not feeling like a real person or being treated like one?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u2014 Lexy Perez contributed to this report<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Taylor Swift\u2018s The Life of a Showgirl is getting mixed-to-extremely positive reviews from critics, and \u2014 most importantly \u2014 is being given a rapturous reception from her fans. But is one track is standing out in a very unique way: The explicit \u201cWood,\u201d which is being called Swift\u2019s horniest, most blatantly sexual song of her<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":25663,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[15489,15490,4113,2778,9025,3611,215,3985],"class_list":{"0":"post-25662","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-entertainment","8":"tag-horny","9":"tag-reactions","10":"tag-sex","11":"tag-song","12":"tag-swifts","13":"tag-taylor","14":"tag-travis","15":"tag-wood"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25662","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=25662"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25662\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/25663"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=25662"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=25662"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=25662"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}