{"id":23624,"date":"2025-09-25T02:16:45","date_gmt":"2025-09-25T02:16:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/?p=23624"},"modified":"2025-09-25T02:16:45","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T02:16:45","slug":"what-do-you-value-more-kindness-or-intelligence-a-trans-couples-hunt-for-the-perfect-sperm-donor-one-stranger-at-a-time-stage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/?p=23624","title":{"rendered":"\u2018What do you value more \u2013 kindness or intelligence?\u2019 A trans couple\u2019s hunt for the perfect sperm donor \u2013 one stranger at a time | Stage"},"content":{"rendered":"

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F<\/span>or the London-based writer, performer and comedian Krishna Istha, a creative approach to finding a sperm donor came naturally \u2013 and resulted in a heartwarming and evocative show. First Trimester, which has been performed around the world and is next heading to the Melbourne fringe festival in October, sees potential sperm donors apply to be interviewed live on stage by Istha, a trans artist who is hunting for a donor to start a family with their partner, who is also trans.<\/p>\n

During a 10-minute interview, Istha connects with each person as an individual, rather than the clinical information sperm banks usually provide about donors. Discussions range from the philosophical: \u201cWhat do you value more \u2013 kindness or intelligence?\u201d to cultural lore: \u201cHave you watched The Princess Diaries?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/span>Istha performs First Trimester in Dublin, Ireland: \u2018When we did the show in Dublin, it didn\u2019t matter what the question was \u2013 it always led back to their grandma, which I thought was really sweet.\u2019<\/span> Photograph: Szymon Lazewski<\/p>\n

On their very first date seven years ago, Istha told their partner, Logan Rea, that they wanted to have children. The couple started looking into donor sperm properly four years ago, in the UK, Australia and Aotearoa (New Zealand), where Rea was born. It\u2019s worth noting that the number of sperm donors is relatively small, which also means it\u2019s predominantly white.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were looking through sperm banks and we didn\u2019t really connect with people from the information we were given,\u201d Istha says. \u201cIn the UK every sperm bank had eye colour, height, PhD or no PhD. I was like, I don\u2019t know how to pick someone from this information. I thought we could speak to lots of people and find whoever this ideal person is.\u201d<\/p>\n

Noticing what was missing in their search led to the creation of First Trimester, which has been staged in London, Copenhagen, Dublin, Switzerland and Auckland so far. (There\u2019s even a Netflix documentary, Sperm Donors Wanted!, directed by Rea.) As the show has moved around the world, Istha has observed distinct values held by the prospective donors in each country.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we did the show in Dublin, it didn\u2019t matter what the question was \u2013 it always led back to their grandma, which I thought was really sweet,\u201d they say. \u201cIn Switzerland, there was a real emphasis on people raising kids in co-ops, which I was very surprised by. It\u2019s interesting to work out what people\u2019s landscape of family making and ideas of family are.\u201d<\/p>\n

When we speak on Zoom \u2013 Istha in London and me in regional Victoria \u2013 I\u2019ve just apologetically exited the mayhem of post-Taco Tuesday cleanup with my wife and our own donor-conceived children. Having a known donor was important to us; we understand family to be both logical and biological, as it is for many members of the LGBTIQA+ community.<\/p>\n

My partner definitely said no to it at the start \u2013 now he\u2019s completely on board and he loves it.Krishna Istha<\/p>\n

When my wife, our donor and I met up in a cafe all those years ago, we asked him what would happen if he suddenly felt a desire to be an involved parent once a child was born. His honest response, that he genuinely didn\u2019t know, confirmed he was the right person for us. We didn\u2019t know until talking it through as a trio that humility was one of the qualities we were looking for.<\/p>\n

For both Istha and Rea, it feels essential to know the person who would be part of their lives \u2013 either now or when their child turns 18. And a face-to-face conversation will hopefully ensure their donor is not \u201ca horrible person who is a transphobe or a queerphobe\u201d.<\/p>\n

So First Trimester is a genuine search for a donor \u2013 but for the audience, it is also an eye-opening show about trans reproductive healthcare that puts conversations often held behind closed doors on stage. Istha explores the intersections of fertility and human connection with warmth and charisma, welcoming people to explore the myriad layers of this living artwork together.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Istha and Rea are looking for a donor who is \u2018kind and fun, who would add to the child\u2019s life in some way\u2019.<\/span> Photograph: Jordon Rossi and Emily Drake<\/p>\n

For Istha and Rea, their initial conversations about seeking their donor through theatre were more whimsical wondering than concrete plan. Rea was initially worried about their privacy. \u201c[He] definitely said no to it at the start,\u201d says Istha. \u201cNow he\u2019s completely on board and he loves it \u2013 he sits in the audience for every show.\u201d<\/p>\n

Part of why Rea changed his mind is also why First Trimester is so important. \u201cAs we spent more time looking into how trans people might go about having kids \u2013 adoption v carrying, the logistics, and the legal landscape of how we might be protected as parents \u2013 we almost immediately realised the lack of adequate information to help us through it,\u201d Istha says. \u201cWe, of course, were very lucky to have queer friends and family who have done this before and had access to information that way, but the thing that made Logan go \u2018yes we should do this show\u2019 was wanting to create resources for others in the future.\u201d<\/p>\n

The generosity of the LGBTIQA+ community flows in many directions, and responses to the show have been no exception. \u201cOur friends have offered [to donate sperm] way more than they would have otherwise,\u201d says Istha. \u201cBut we did set a rule, because I am a performance artist: if you offer [a donation], you have to be in the show. It\u2019s unfair to set up a process and then not stick to it.\u201d<\/p>\n

In broad terms, Istha and Rea\u2019s ideal donor would be \u201csomeone we can get on with, someone we would want in our lives as a friend forever after that point\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s much like looking for a partner \u2013 good communication, and to believe in the same thing,\u201d they add. \u201cSomeone kind and fun who would add to the child\u2019s life in some way.\u201d<\/p>\n

In their dreams, what does Istha\u2019s future family look like? \u201cThe first thing that pops into my head is matching outfits,\u201d they reply. \u201cMe and Logan and this baby in some sort of incredible silver onesie. The first dream is to have a child. I\u2019ll dream about the rest if and when that happens.\u201d<\/p>\n