\n<\/p>\n
Calling the contrite: are you very sorry, or are you extremely remorseful? Do you see that what you did was very wrong, or have you recognised<\/em> that it was exceedingly reprehensible<\/em>?<\/p>\n If that sounds like overdoing it, when it comes to expressing regret, syllables matter. That was the conclusion of a study published this week into the perceived sincerity of apologies, which found that when faced with an expression of remorse, we find it more meaningful if the apologiser has used longer words.<\/p>\n That is owing to the perceived extra effort the guilty party is putting in, concluded researchers \u2013 even if the effort extends no further than using a slightly more elaborate word.<\/p>\n Fancy language or not, sorry remains the hardest word for a reason, says Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo, a registered psychologist and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society. \u201cEven if we might understand that what we did or said wasn\u2019t OK, it\u2019s still very hard because it\u2019s admitting vulnerability and we\u2019re not good at being vulnerable. Historically that didn\u2019t keep us safe. So we have our guards up.\u201d<\/p>\n So how to do it well? Plenty of examples offer lessons on what to do and what to avoid.<\/p>\n When the actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis wrote letters to request a lighter sentence for their \u201crole model\u201d former co-star Danny Masterson, who had been convicted of rape, it was damaging enough. The carefully worded video apology that followed, alternating line by line between them, seemingly only made matters worse. \u201cWe are aware of the pain that has been caused \u2026\u201d opened a staccato Kutcher. \u201cWe support victims \u2026\u201d continued Kunis. Many observers concluded they perhaps weren\u2019t particularly sorry.<\/p>\n Where penitents of yore might have perched on a pillar in the desert for years on end to atone for their sins, for the former Labour chief secretary to the Treasury, Liam Byrne, a column in the Guardian had to suffice. In it, he offered an agonised apology for his \u201cstupid\u201d, \u201ccrass\u201d and \u201cbloody offensive\u201d actions in leaving a lighthearted note for his successor in 2010, which read: \u201cI\u2019m sorry there is no money left.\u201d<\/p>\n The incoming prime minister David Cameron\u2019s repeated use of the note to blame Labour for austerity had \u201chelped hurt the party I love\u201d, Byrne wrote, and \u201cevery day I have burned with the shame of it\u201d. (Many commenters were more forgiving: \u201cDude, don\u2019t beat yourself up. It made no real difference,\u201d wrote one.)<\/p>\n \u201cSome people go through life going \u2018Sorry, sorry, sorry,\u2019 just to get out of situations, but it\u2019s insincere and they never change their behaviour,\u201d says Quinn-Cirillo. \u201cI\u2019m sure you\u2019ll be able to think of people.\u201d<\/p>\n Quite. Take, to select one person at random, Boris Johnson, who was forced into apologies again and again (and again) over his conduct during the Covid lockdowns, without ever sounding terribly convincing. To no one\u2019s astonishment, the former PM then retracted it all in his memoir, saying it had been a \u201cmistake\u201d to offer the \u201cpathetic\u201d and \u201cgrovelling\u201d apologies.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have insight, can you reflect, can you change your behaviour? Those are the three key things\u201d that signal a genuine apology, says Quinn-Cirillo. Um \u2013 no.<\/p>\n Just because a statement has the S-word in it doesn\u2019t make it a genuine expression of remorse. Take Harvey Weinstein\u2019s statement after accusations of sexual assault were first published in the New York Times. \u201cI appreciate the way I\u2019ve behaved with colleagues in the past has caused a lot of pain and I sincerely apologise for it,\u201d said Weinstein. He added that he had come of age in the 1960s and 1970s when \u201call the rules about behaviour and workplaces were different\u201d.<\/p>\n His attorney said in a separate statement the film producer was preparing to sue over a report \u201csaturated in false and defamatory statements\u201d. Weinstein has since been convicted of rape and sexual assault by courts in California and New York and is may face further proceedings.<\/p>\n Should the city of Florence have banished Dante in 1302 over his political views, forcing him to live the last 19 years of his life in exile? It took city authorities only 706 years to conclude, in 2008, that no, perhaps they got that one wrong. Better late than never? Perhaps, though the poet\u2019s descendant, Count Pieralvise Serego Alighieri, declined to attend an \u201capology ceremony\u201d, after concluding \u201cit wouldn\u2019t be a heartfelt, collective \u2018mea culpa\u2019 at all\u201d. A publicity stunt, you say?<\/p>\n At least they offered. When the Catholic church finally conceded, in 1996, that Galileo had been right that the Earth moved around the sun, there was no expression of contrition, merely a grudging acknowledgment that the church\u2019s \u201csad misunderstanding now belongs to the past\u201d.<\/p>\n Galileo may have been forced to recant under threat of torture \u2013 but he\u2019s not getting an apology. Sorry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Calling the contrite: are you very sorry, or are you extremely remorseful? Do you see that what you did was very wrong, or have you recognised that it was exceedingly reprehensible? If that sounds like overdoing it, when it comes to expressing regret, syllables matter. That was the conclusion of a study published this week<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22931,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[58],"tags":[14038,14037,333,2366,455,9666,516,3787],"class_list":{"0":"post-22930","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-apology","9":"tag-convincing","10":"tag-longer","11":"tag-psychology","12":"tag-real","13":"tag-reflection","14":"tag-science","15":"tag-words"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22930","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22930"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22930\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/22931"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22930"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22930"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22930"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}The over-scripted apology<\/h2>\n
The gushing apology<\/h2>\n
The nobody\u2019s buying it apology<\/h2>\n
The sorry not sorry apology<\/h2>\n
Better late than never apology<\/h2>\n