\n<\/p>\n
Editor\u2019s Note: Is anything ailing, torturing, or nagging at you? Are you beset by existential worries? Every Tuesday, James Parker tackles readers\u2019 questions. Tell him about your lifelong or in-the-moment problems at [email\u00a0protected]<\/span>.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t want to miss a single column? Sign up to get \u201cDear James\u201d in your inbox.<\/p>\n Dear James,<\/p>\n I rarely ever think about past events unless explicitly reminded, and I wonder if I\u2019m missing out on some core human experience. It\u2019s not that I can\u2019t or won\u2019t reminisce; I have a pretty good memory, and I\u2019m happy to relive old scenes when my partner or family prompt me. I don\u2019t dwell much on past failures and embarrassments, but I\u2019m also not living entirely in the present\u2014indeed, I tend to obsessively worry about the future. So what am I missing? Should I be making an effort to look backwards more often?<\/p>\n Dear Reader,<\/p>\n I want some of what you\u2019re on.<\/p>\n Me, I\u2019m a nurser of ancient grievances. I believe in forgiveness, but then again\u2014do I? If you pushed me around in 1982, ripped me off in 1997, failed to be sufficiently fascinated by me in 2013, I haven\u2019t forgotten, and vengeance will be mine. Not to mention the grievances against myself: For them I get revenge every day, and rather painfully too.<\/p>\n Oh, to leave the past behind! To dump it, toss it overboard, and tread blithely as a lamb into the eternal welcome of the present moment! But I dunno, something in the wiring (mine, anyway) won\u2019t allow it. Is it evolutionary? Are we meant to drag all our mistakes around with us\u2014plus the bruises to our nature, plus the dilapidated hulk of our crappy memories\u2014so as to avoid them next time? As Kingsley Amis wrote to a friend after his second divorce: \u201cWell, it\u2019s all experience, though it\u2019s a pity there had to be so much of it.\u201d<\/p>\n So what\u2019s my advice? Only this: If you find yourself able to stay clear of the shadow of what\u2019s already happened, I\u2019d say that\u2019s something of a superpower. You might consider using it out there in the world, this mutant gift of yours. Use it for good. Seek out people who offended you, or who worry they may have wronged you at some point, and tell them it doesn\u2019t matter. Seek out anybody\u2014why not?\u2014who\u2019s guilty or ashamed or bogged down with regret, and tell them they\u2019re free.<\/p>\n Hauling my deluxe, personalized baggage,<\/p>\n James<\/p>\n By submitting a letter, you are agreeing to let The Atlantic use it in part or in full, and we may edit it for length and\/or clarity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Editor\u2019s Note: Is anything ailing, torturing, or nagging at you? Are you beset by existential worries? Every Tuesday, James Parker tackles readers\u2019 questions. Tell him about your lifelong or in-the-moment problems at [email\u00a0protected]. Don\u2019t want to miss a single column? Sign up to get \u201cDear James\u201d in your inbox. Dear James, I rarely ever think<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12949,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[6040,6657,817,3038],"class_list":{"0":"post-12948","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-social-issues","8":"tag-dear","9":"tag-dwell","10":"tag-james","11":"tag-wrong"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12948","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12948"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12948\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/12949"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naijaglobalnews.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}